IC Journey

Stuck? Or Just Not Getting There as Fast as You Would Like?

Posted in Uncategorized by ic2manywords on March 17, 2014

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Life is complex in the best of circumstances.  I can’t think of a single life style that wouldn’t be (though childhood, now that I am an adult, was much easier – no wonder grown-ups would laugh at me when I would cry in frustration, “I wish I were an adult!  At least then I could make all the rules!”

When you develop a chronic illness, the adaptation process is not immediate, nor is it static – you don’t just one day “accept it.”  Part of this, in many cases, is because the illness itself is usually not the same day to day, and many are progressive.  Often, instead of treading water, a chronically ill person feels like they are in quicksand.  

I think one of the hardest critics most of us deal with are ourselves.  Last night while talking to a parent about my son and his future possible soloing in church, I said I needed to spend time giving him some voice lessons to overcome issues with singing too forcedly, bad breath control, etc.  She immediately said, “Oh my goodness!  I can’t imagine what you think when I sing up there!” Oops!  I realized immediately, of course, that I hold no judgments about other singers.  I was concerned about my son’s performance because of an unconscious worry about how it might reflect on ME.  Worse, it made me remember how much my parents contributed to my own performance anxiety because of their constant nit-picking about possibly holding a measure too long here, going flat there, etc.  They wanted me to do my best, and at that moment, I was.

We need to learn that sometimes staying just as we are – not improving any more at that moment – is okay.  Sometimes in those quiet times, we are growing and changing, and working towards a new understanding.  Like the frozen winter where spring waits under the snow, there are always new changes and rebirth awaiting, if we just allow ourselves some quiet time to reflect and grow.  

Quit being so hard on yourself…  me too.  

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